A Birthday Post: Aging Toward Joy
cross·roads
noun
an intersection of two or more roads
a point at which a crucial decision must be made that will have far-reaching consequences
Today is my birthday.
My 40th birthday.
A personal crossroads.
As my birthday approached, I felt the intensity of two roads. One that leads me down the path of “I know this is going to be my best decade yet.” And one that is unexpectedly full of all the garbage thoughts I’ve picked up throughout the course of my life that tell me this age marks some type of downfall.
I didn’t expect to feel this conflicted, yet here I am.
The Beauty of Aging
I feel extremely lucky to have a mother who always spoke of birthdays and getting older in a positive way.
“Every decade it gets better.”
The older I get, the more acutely I see the impact of this gift.
She implanted a belief in me that aging brings new adventures, greater joys, and a deeper sense of self.
A knowing that somehow, in spite of the challenges, things will always get better.
As I write that, I realize that because of how she spoke of getting older, I’ve always held space for abundance (even before I could name it).
I’ve always had an excited anticipation of what’s to come.
And she wasn’t wrong.
I enter this new decade knowing myself better than I ever have. Being more at peace than I ever have. And feeling more connected to the magical, unexplainable part of life than I ever have.
The first road.
Living in a Culture that Hates Aging
But even with that hopeful perspective, the closer I’ve gotten to 40, the more I’ve noticed the mental impact of living in a culture that hates – maybe a better word is fears – aging.
Nearly all of the ads (and a ton of regular content) I get fed on social media are about how to fight getting older.
The power of the 40-something algorithm isn’t something a mere mortal can escape.
Don’t let your skin change.
Prevent your hair from turning gray.
Find age-appropriate interests.
It’s too late to try new things.
Make sure you’re hitting all the right life milestones at the right times.
Present yourself in a way that fits in this particular box.
We’re told – directly and indirectly – that if we don’t get older the “right way” we’re inherently less valuable.
That’s some bullshit.
But it’s what we’re constantly told, usually reaching back as far as we can remember.
Bless my mother for piercing this heavy, cultural veil so I had a light to follow out of its darkness.
A Crucial Decision Must Be Made
As the definition of a crossroads goes, I find myself at decision time.
Which road do I choose?
The one where I embrace the beauty and the privilege that comes with aging – the one where I don’t have to fight until I’m ::insert appropriate age to stop trying to be younger::.
Or the one where I feel constantly at odds with the nature of being human and not living indefinitely – the one where outside chatter dictates how I value myself and inhibits the enjoyment I get from life.
Ok, you know which one I’m picking – this isn’t going to be a bleak birthday!
But I also choose this road with realistic expectations.
I am not enlightened.
I do not have a special shield that prevents me from feeling some type of way about how society talks about getting older.
But what I do have is a self-discovery practice that is always in support of being in alignment with myself.
Bullshit earmuffs, if you will.
Now I Have to Walk Down That Road
So what does staying on this road look like?
It looks like a continual choosing of the direction I want to go:
Catching those “other road” thoughts when they creep in and redirecting them
Figuring out exactly where I’m redirecting those thoughts (what do I want to believe instead)
Staying aware of what is impacting my energy, mind, and habits
Taking actions rooted in who I aspire to become
Protecting + nurturing my relationship with my intuition
Following my desires without questioning them
Continuing to build a closer relationship with nature and her cycles, including death
Holding space for things to turn out even better than I could have known to ask for them to be
With all of this said, we get to choose how we want to live. We get to believe what we want to and change it when we want to. We have the authority to nurture the uniqueness each of us holds in this lifetime and bring that forth in its fullest glory to share with the world.
I’m looking forward to this new decade. Eyes and heart locked on the road in front of me.